1.03.2011
12.15.2010
Move On
Time to move...I hate this shit...
In my 20's I did so probably 15 times at best count. I owned a truck and what fit is what I needed/owned. As I look back this was smart and the best way to live, and I am going back. Going back the best I can, but not going to become a monk...
My new joint is so AWESOME...I cannot wait to get settled. Peace and quiet, no bitching. No being taken for granted or advantage of. No missing money, or expenditures without discussion. No taking care of 2, just one. No missing food, beer, money, iPod, glasses, clothes, silverware and more. No tracking in shit on the floor, dog piss. No drunk financial losses/bullshit. No surprises when opening the mailbox (hopefully). No delusions, forgetfulness, PROCRASTINATION! No more unhygienic household.
The last 2 years really fucked my outlook and mind, along with 7 years of no marital intimacy...there ya go...maybe a good lay may have cured that? NOT.
I am going on a diet and will be losing 300 pounds in about 3 weeks...I feel lighter already...
In my 20's I did so probably 15 times at best count. I owned a truck and what fit is what I needed/owned. As I look back this was smart and the best way to live, and I am going back. Going back the best I can, but not going to become a monk...
My new joint is so AWESOME...I cannot wait to get settled. Peace and quiet, no bitching. No being taken for granted or advantage of. No missing money, or expenditures without discussion. No taking care of 2, just one. No missing food, beer, money, iPod, glasses, clothes, silverware and more. No tracking in shit on the floor, dog piss. No drunk financial losses/bullshit. No surprises when opening the mailbox (hopefully). No delusions, forgetfulness, PROCRASTINATION! No more unhygienic household.
The last 2 years really fucked my outlook and mind, along with 7 years of no marital intimacy...there ya go...maybe a good lay may have cured that? NOT.
I am going on a diet and will be losing 300 pounds in about 3 weeks...I feel lighter already...
11.16.2010
Worry
I am worrying about my student...she is in such a tough place today...I just so want her success, and I could just do the work for her...I haven't come close to doing so, but man, I so could just finish that paper. I also have that vibe from my past...It's really attenuating my focus, and bringing me to wonder so much...I used to ignore it, but that brought me problems...I'm so praying for you E.A. Sleep well.....
11.14.2010
Mentoring
I love teaching more than anything. My Pop always said to "never withhold what you know, it may benefit the new person". It's an interesting outlook. In nursing so many clench the little knowledge they have, in hopes of staying superior. They screw themselves in the long term...A new nurse has so much to offer and a new outlook.
This is why I love to mentor/orient. I used to think until recent that the new RN was a blank slate, even though they had much to give me back. They are indeed not blank. They are FULL of knowledge and insight, which I knew, but not as strongly as I do now.
In the military it is requisite to give all knowledge to the underling. This assures us to have our back covered in combat. To withhold information most assuredly means you will die. A leader, true leader gives up what they know to carry on the mission/profession.
When I was in school, albeit LPN school in the beginning of my training/education, I was consistently told I was a "natural". This came from more than three instructors. One of them became my friend also, and we spoke, ate and socialized outside of class. Cindi was the epitome of classic nursing. Even so, she was all about mentoring me, she knew she may be crossing a boundary. I always assured her she wasn't, and she would continue to share her experience and nursing Philosophy with me. To this day we remain friends, and I look to her in times of struggle in the profession.
To bring this thought to current, I have FINALLY found MY natural! She is so amazing, and adept. Could she be better in technical issues? Yes, but again, my job to teach her. In this situation, she is only a student nurse in her final phase of nursing school. I find it a struggle to be just a preceptor and not mentor her. I give her all I can, but I feel she/we need more time. I am so proud of her transformation from hour one until now. I guess the biggest issue is that I am not wanting the relationship to end. I have not asked Cindi about this, when we were in the same situation. Thankfully it just developed.
I know my student is going to do great things, and she will pass me on my accomplishments. No matter what degree level either of us attain. All of this is possible...I pray I am not to hard, and not too aggressive with my guidance.
I have already learned the student educates the teacher...so with this situation I try to sit back and listen now.
This is why I love to mentor/orient. I used to think until recent that the new RN was a blank slate, even though they had much to give me back. They are indeed not blank. They are FULL of knowledge and insight, which I knew, but not as strongly as I do now.
In the military it is requisite to give all knowledge to the underling. This assures us to have our back covered in combat. To withhold information most assuredly means you will die. A leader, true leader gives up what they know to carry on the mission/profession.
When I was in school, albeit LPN school in the beginning of my training/education, I was consistently told I was a "natural". This came from more than three instructors. One of them became my friend also, and we spoke, ate and socialized outside of class. Cindi was the epitome of classic nursing. Even so, she was all about mentoring me, she knew she may be crossing a boundary. I always assured her she wasn't, and she would continue to share her experience and nursing Philosophy with me. To this day we remain friends, and I look to her in times of struggle in the profession.
To bring this thought to current, I have FINALLY found MY natural! She is so amazing, and adept. Could she be better in technical issues? Yes, but again, my job to teach her. In this situation, she is only a student nurse in her final phase of nursing school. I find it a struggle to be just a preceptor and not mentor her. I give her all I can, but I feel she/we need more time. I am so proud of her transformation from hour one until now. I guess the biggest issue is that I am not wanting the relationship to end. I have not asked Cindi about this, when we were in the same situation. Thankfully it just developed.
I know my student is going to do great things, and she will pass me on my accomplishments. No matter what degree level either of us attain. All of this is possible...I pray I am not to hard, and not too aggressive with my guidance.
I have already learned the student educates the teacher...so with this situation I try to sit back and listen now.
11.13.2010
Douche Bag Everyone
It is so sickening to give the constant handout. From the asshole that lingers in the triage window, feigning that they are confused as to where to check in, to the bag that walks up the entryway, just fine, until they are in my sight...then starts the hobble, the gimp, the heaving, the woe is me... in the triage bay they insist on laying down...although driving from Bloomington, etc....I don't buy it. I don't let it happen. It is AMAZING with my "God" like power I can get them to sit still, then to register, and on to a room. This is where the true drama starts....the fall to the cart, unable to take their clothes off, writhing in pain...."Why aren't you doing anything?" they scream...as if it is their first visit to the ED. Your nurse will be right with you....from arrival to room it is a whole 12 minutes, and a nurse appears for their assessment. Slight calm....after the 4 minutes, tucking in, reminding that NO medication can be delivered until the MD sees them...exit RN...call light goes off; RN or EMT answers. "I NEED medication!", screams the asshole patient. Pause..."as your nurse said, until the Dr sees you, no medications can be given", repeat times ten and rinse...MD gets into room, arrival plus 25 minutes....calm, pause..."my nurse is a ....(insert here), YOU took too long to see me etc". Fluids ordered, IV started...NON narcotics administered...CALM...breathe, breath. The Asshole has gotten ATTENTION. This is all they wanted. Forget the drug seekers. This is about the drama jerks, that just need a fix of "pay attention to me, I'm important". These are the soul suckers, these are the needy family members with tablets and pen...these are the most sad of the patients in the ED.
9.17.2010
Really?
Folks, just get into the Right lane and let us pass! YOU are NOT law enforcement, and also force me to pass on the right lane, again a traffic no-no. When I am 1 foot behind you, or you see me coming, get the fuck out of the way! Your liberal "I'm driving the speed limit" is bullshit. YOU the teacher, Quizno's employee, or owner of the HYBRID, get the fuck over. It's MY right to get to where I am going! You sit there tootling along right next to the car on the right...YOU WONDER why is that guy/gal so close behind me...When I get a break you also wonder WHY AM I BEING FLIPPED OFF? It's because YOU are the asshole, and everything you get, you deserve! FUCK YOU!!!! Douche Bag Left Lane Monitor!Bottom Line: Moving over is a matter of courtesy. It is a matter of safety. It is a matter of doing one's part to help traffic flow smoothly. And it is the law in many states: “Stay to the right except to pass”.
8.23.2010
THINK
U nfortunately, most of the time when it comes to people, it’s never just “give” or just “do.” It’s usually, “What am I going to get back?” We’re always thinking about what we’re going to get in return.
Doing something totally agenda-free is very difficult for us. If we don’t get exactly what we gave in return, we at least want some kind of acknowledgment. That’s also conditional, and the benefit is temporary, negligible. We need to strive for things that last.
The only thing we should want in return is our own Light, our own fulfillment. Meaning, if you are in a relationship, just give and don’t worry what you will get in return. When we give with our whole heart, the energy will come back. It doesn’t make a difference if the returns come from that person or from someone else. What we should be focusing on is the real exchange: that with the Light of the Creator.
If we want to be a vessel for the Light, we have to act like the Light. One way to do this is by giving unconditionally. Often we want to give conditionally, but we want people to give to us unconditionally. The universe just doesn’t work that way. If you are conditional, then you will end up with people in your life who are conditional.
If we are always looking for what we will get in return, we will be building a home for chaos. If you want to build a place for Light to shine, then give and let go. Release your desire of what you could get back.
We have to find the strength to do one-way sharing. Obviously, we cannot continually give to someone who does nothing in return and promote Bread of Shame. But in the normal course, open your heart and give to others without expecting a return. If it comes back from those people, that’s great.
We all have agendas, and we have gone through lifetimes of training to conceal them. But by doing so, we’re creating a mask that we want people to see instead of allowing them to see who we really are. Some people have built a turtle shell around themselves; some have built a thin layer; but it’s hard to connect to one another through these barriers.
We have to share from the deeper, uncovered, true essence of self.
Doing something totally agenda-free is very difficult for us. If we don’t get exactly what we gave in return, we at least want some kind of acknowledgment. That’s also conditional, and the benefit is temporary, negligible. We need to strive for things that last.
The only thing we should want in return is our own Light, our own fulfillment. Meaning, if you are in a relationship, just give and don’t worry what you will get in return. When we give with our whole heart, the energy will come back. It doesn’t make a difference if the returns come from that person or from someone else. What we should be focusing on is the real exchange: that with the Light of the Creator.
If we want to be a vessel for the Light, we have to act like the Light. One way to do this is by giving unconditionally. Often we want to give conditionally, but we want people to give to us unconditionally. The universe just doesn’t work that way. If you are conditional, then you will end up with people in your life who are conditional.
If we are always looking for what we will get in return, we will be building a home for chaos. If you want to build a place for Light to shine, then give and let go. Release your desire of what you could get back.
We have to find the strength to do one-way sharing. Obviously, we cannot continually give to someone who does nothing in return and promote Bread of Shame. But in the normal course, open your heart and give to others without expecting a return. If it comes back from those people, that’s great.
We all have agendas, and we have gone through lifetimes of training to conceal them. But by doing so, we’re creating a mask that we want people to see instead of allowing them to see who we really are. Some people have built a turtle shell around themselves; some have built a thin layer; but it’s hard to connect to one another through these barriers.
We have to share from the deeper, uncovered, true essence of self.
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