Douche Bag Everyone

It is so sickening to give the constant handout. From the asshole that lingers in the triage window, feigning that they are confused as to where to check in, to the bag that walks up the entryway, just fine, until they are in my sight...then starts the hobble, the gimp, the heaving, the woe is me... in the triage bay they insist on laying down...although driving from Bloomington, etc....I don't buy it. I don't let it happen. It is AMAZING with my "God" like power I can get them to sit still, then to register, and on to a room. This is where the true drama starts....the fall to the cart, unable to take their clothes off, writhing in pain...."Why aren't you doing anything?" they scream...as if it is their first visit to the ED. Your nurse will be right with you....from arrival to room it is a whole 12 minutes, and a nurse appears for their assessment. Slight calm....after the 4 minutes, tucking in, reminding that NO medication can be delivered until the MD sees them...exit RN...call light goes off; RN or EMT answers. "I NEED medication!", screams the asshole patient. Pause..."as your nurse said, until the Dr sees you, no medications can be given", repeat times ten and rinse...MD gets into room, arrival plus 25 minutes....calm, pause..."my nurse is a ....(insert here), YOU took too long to see me etc". Fluids ordered, IV started...NON narcotics administered...CALM...breathe, breath. The Asshole has gotten ATTENTION. This is all they wanted. Forget the drug seekers. This is about the drama jerks, that just need a fix of "pay attention to me, I'm important". These are the soul suckers, these are the needy family members with tablets and pen...these are the most sad of the patients in the ED.